I Had a Vaginal Ultrasound

at 7:30 pm on our 3rd anniversary.

image was donated by Blausen Medical

Why 7:30 the evening of our 3rd anniversary?

Because it was the first available appointment and it needed to be done before the Ob-Gyn appointment on Monday.

Why?

Here’s the fun part: I’ve been bleeding approx. 65–70% of this past year. For real — and that is probably a low estimate considering I’ve been bleeding daily since late July when I had my IUD removed. Yeah, you read that correctly, I’ve been bleeding for over 44 days straight.

Now, this might not be much of a thing for some women, and I get that. But for me it is anything but ok.

I was raped while still bleeding from a burst ovarian cyst.

Seeing vaginal blood can, at times, be horrifically triggering, especially if I need to use a tampon. God, I really hate the sensation of inserting a tampon these days.

So, the IUD was removed as the first step in finding out why, even with birth control my body won’t stop bleeding.

Second step was that vaginal ultrasound Tuesday evening.

I took 2 Xanax beforehand, my husband was there to help me feel safe and stay in the present. When the ultrasound technician was leading me back to the exam room I looked at her, saying, “I’ve taken 2 Xanax…