I’ve struggled with transference of addictive behaviors too when I stopped drinking overnight. I wasn’t strong enough to feel all those damn feelings and so I unconsciously found other ways of addictive behaviors that were harmful. It took me a few months to recognize what I was doing. It was humbling and eye-opening.

It is also why I am not currently sober.

I am working everyday to re-establish a healthy relationship with wine — currently I’m accomplishing that goal about 4–5 out of 7 days a week AND the days I drink ‘too much’ it is still far less than I was drinking a year ago.

I’m working on harm reduction, along with the understanding, feedback and support of my therapist. 1–2 glasses of wine most nights and feeding myself foods that both nourish my chronically ill body AND that bring me comfort and joy to eat.

None of this is easy — just as I’m sure building a new relationship with food can’t be easy for you. But I know I’ve got to take things slowly and focus more on nourishing myself, getting enough rest, and gently increasing my ability to feel all those feelings and remember all those memories.

Thanks for this piece.