Day 2 of Listening
1. The tinny buzz of my little desk fan — it helps to block out the sound of a bass guitar being played in my husband’s music room directly above.
2. Why is the neighbor’s damn dog out wandering again?!? Is it safe to take my own out for a walk or is that other one aggressive. Fuck, why is it wandering untended again?!?
3. I really fucking hate menstrual cramps. I hate how they remind me of the lingering pain after an ovarian cyst bursts. I hate how they remind me of being violated. I hate.hate.hate being reminded in this tangible, painful way.
4. I wanna go see the drive live animatronic dinosaur exhibit. Why does it have to cost $69 though?… That’s too much this month.
5. Dammit I miss the focus and executive function skills that hormones give my brain.
6. Rain clouds are the best — all the different tones of greys, promising cleansing and quiet solitude.
7. I wish I’d have been up to going to the Farmer’s Market with my husband this morning. I’m glad he bought so much garlic while its still available.
8. Good grief — how long is he going to play that fucking bass today?!? I cannot stand the sound today. Maybe I’ll go back to bed where I can’t really hear it — but I want to get work done on my planner project. Ugh.
9. I feel hapless, unmoored, tiny and small, insignificant and vulnerable. I want to eat more cake. I want red wine. I miss being able to drink 3,4 + cups of a coffee a day.
10. Right now? I am noticing how much I resent and hate and want to destroy the patriarchy. I’m noticing how much of the traumas I’ve endured are because of thousands upon thousands of years of misogyny dressed up as logic and morality and boys are so lame and just fuck this whole system that says white men matter like 947% more than every other living being on the planet.
Thank you for reading.❤
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